Do you owe yourself an apology?
In 2002, I earned my Coaching Certification while working full time as a Senior Marketing Manager at one of Forbes Top 100 Companies. I charged out there, told everyone I knew, printed a few lame brochures and waited for the phone to ring. I wasn’t entirely that passive, but pretty darn close. Now this made absolutely no sense because by this time, I had been in marketing management positions for a decade, in the Silicon Valley. I knew better… or did I? You see, I “knew” the basics (way more than that really) of marketing and communications. My knowledge was not the issue. In fact, that put me ahead of almost all coaches.
What I was completely clueless about was how my inner world and belief systems were impacting my ability to completely follow through on my dream. I did manage to serve 10-12 clients during that time but I didn’t have a plan for long-term success – enough to quit the corporate job that left me feeling empty. After coaching on the side while working full time, I decided I couldn’t make a real living at it.
Of course I couldn’t. I had no long-term plan or even a mentor. None. Nada. Zippo. Again, I knew better! At every company I had worked for to that point, I created the plans… and they were great ones, I might add. We had wonderful success. Why didn’t I have one for my own business? What was I thinking?! I always had a mentor at every job too.
The truth is… deep down, I wasn’t sure I could make money self-employed, especially the kind of money I was used to. Because I believed this, I proved to myself that in fact, I couldn’t. We always want to be right, don’t we ;)? Basically, I sabotaged my own success. Sure, I gave it the good “college try” and I did help people but I definitely wasn’t ALL IN. This created a sense of mistrust within myself. Would I ever really follow through with my dreams – as in ALL OUT, no Plan B… no back door… no bridge back to the corporate desk?
Thankfully, I never gave up on my vision… but I did put it on hold, for a long while. I dabbled in real estate investments as a way of dipping my toe a bit more into the entrepreneurial space. I learned a lot there for sure – one big success, and one big failure – a great sign I was at least willing to take risks. I also played with project-based work – writing and marketing for small business. Then in 2005 I got more serious, opened my own corporation and went independent while keeping my ties to the corporate world intact (as a “safety” net – aka: an illusion). For nearly seven years, I ran my own marketing consulting business serving corporate accounts, and it was highly lucrative.
It was also… not my dream.
In fact, even though I had my own company… I still felt really empty… which felt a lot like the jobs I had.
It was, at least, my way of proving to myself I could be the president and CEO of my life before picking up my true passion again. I needed that time to learn the basics of business ownership but I wasn’t ready yet to earn money outside of that environment. As I write this, I realize just how much fear was at play. I mean really… why did I think corporate was the only way I could make money, especially when I knew others were doing it successfully otherwise?
The truth is, I was scared to step up and into my real calling in the world. You see, I am here to free and empower women. I understand, on the deepest levels imaginable, what it means to feel (and actually be) trapped. There are many types of entrapment and sometimes, it can be as simple as the illusions we hold in our mind. Beloved, you very likely have many of those. I know I did, and I’m sure there are more to be uncovered still.
I had no idea my lack of planning and support in the beginning of my transition was really a way to stay small… and hide from my calling. It was a sure fire way to fail. I was afraid to really “get out there”, share my story, step into a new kind of leadership, and make a real difference. Remaining the student was a fantastic cover for my fears… but when I finally found my SoulFUEL™, hired the coaches and mentors I needed to get me there, and stopped allowing the voices that held me back to have any power – I was finally FREE, and I’ve never looked back. Now, I have the incredible honor of leading others into their freedom.
In the end, we are the only ones who can release ourselves. To do so, we must be willing to look at how we are holding ourselves back… and often it is disguised quite well behind what appears to be “smart rationale”.
So, tell me this…
Are you afraid you won’t follow-through on what you say you want?
Have you ever betrayed yourself before?
Sometimes it becomes necessary to apologize to yourself. Do you need to?
Your relationship with YOU is incredibly important. It is like any other relationship and arguably the most important one in your life because from that deep well, you draw upon your greatest strengths and gifts.
Would you fail to pick up your kids when you say you will?
Would you stand up your best friend for dinner?
Why then would you break an appointment you made with yourself to move your dream forward… to live your purpose… to help others in your own special way?
Why would you fail to demonstrate to yourself that you CAN DO IT?
The more you flake on yourself, procrastinate, buy into your own excuses, blame others, or not show up for commitments you’ve made to get the support you need – the more you prove to YOU that you aren’t trustworthy… to YOU.
How do you think that impacts your life?
What has it prevented you from becoming?
Occasionally, I have a client (bless their heart) apologize for not completing an assignment or showing up for a group call. Here’s the thing… they aren’t letting me down but I do think it’s very possible they are letting themselves down. That apology really doesn’t belong to me. Self-awareness and self-intimacy is a huge factor in success and sometimes that means, apologizing to yourself as you would a dear friend or loved one.
What message(s) are you sending yourself about your ability to truly commit to your calling?
Are you investing in your dreams and passions as much as you show up for others?
What if by doing so, you could make a huge difference in this world, including for those you love?
Prove to yourself that you WILL make your dreams happen by following through and showing up – consistently.
Promise yourself that:
- You will no longer play small, and hide out as the perpetual student.
- You will stop buying into the notion that women should stay quiet, follow along, and trust the beliefs of others over your own inner wisdom and truth.
- You will drop the harmful internal dialogue about not being good enough, prepared enough, pretty enough, talented enough, or whatever-enough.
- You will be more devoted to your purpose than to conforming, being liked, or even being accepted, especially by those who aren’t living the life you want to live.
If you are reading this, you are more-than-likely a women who knows you are here for a greater purpose. You have that nagging feeling you are meant for something more, and you know you have allowed others (past or present voices) to have far more influence than they should over the choices you have made for your life. You also know you have bought into a bunch of lies about how you can make money in this world. You have, in essence, traded your souls calls and happiness for a paycheck. (I say this with complete understanding and love.)
Please beloved, this world needs your feminine voice now, more than ever. The world desperately needs transformation, healing, break-through, self-empowerment, permission to be authentic, love, compassion, joy, and freedom from shame.
The world needs YOU, and it all begins when YOU step into courage. I’m here for you, when you are ready. If not me, just be sure to find other expert support. You are not meant to do this alone.
Aha’s anyone? I’d LOVE to hear your insights below.
Love & Light,
Wendy, SoulFUEL™ Business Coach & Your Guide To Freedom